As parents, we often question if we’re doing enough for our children – if we are enough. This tension is even greater for single parents, especially when we see our children struggle. My daughter Ava Apodaca, like many children, went through a period where she had difficulty finding her people. Instead of stepping in as the "rescuer" I sat in the tension of life with her and chose the path of prayer. We prayed for healthy relationships that would support her unique passion, which she discovered during a difficult time of our lives – Hobby Horsing.
As we prayed, God answered by placing a few faithful friends in her path. They embraced her uniqueness, inspiring her to start a YouTube channel where she shares her passion for Hobby Horsing. Through her videos, she models boldness to other young girls, showing them how to step up, step out, and confidently be the person God uniquely designed them to be. Over time, her subscriber base grew. Today, at just twelve years old, she has over 40,000 subscribers and holds the top Hobby Horsing YouTube channel in the nation.
This past summer, when she learned the first United States Hobby Horse Competition would be held in Almont, Michigan there was no stopping her. The week leading up to the competition God began speaking to Ava. So much so that she was moved to tears and began journaling about it. God will always remind us of who He is before He moves just as He did for Moses in Exodus 3:15:
God also said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’
“This is my name forever,
the name you shall call me
from generation to generation.”
As we traveled to Michigan the experience was nothing short of a miracle with signs of the Redeemer everywhere we turned - it was surreal. The night before the competition Ava asked to take a drive from our picturesque Airbnb to "scout out" where the competition would be held the next day. It reminded me of Joshua & Caleb in Numbers 13:1-2:
“And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “Send men to spy out the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the children of Israel; from each tribe of their fathers you shall send a man, every one a leader among them.”
When we arrived the next day, the school hosting the competition was buzzing with a sea of young girls who had never met before, yet shared a profound soul-connection. Many brought notes and little gifts for Ava, expressing that meeting her was their main reason for coming. My humble daughter spent the day signing autographs and being interviewed by Netflix for a documentary, the Chicago Sun-Times, The Washington Post, The London Times, and most recently, the Carmel Current. I asked Ava - how she would answer if a reporter asked her how she knows that God is real. She responded, "I've spoken to him."
I had never experienced a miracle that felt too big for my britches. But that day, we met the Redeemer face-to-face. The little girl who once struggled to find friends was now being called a YouTube celebrity. As she competed, the audience cheered her on by name. He rewrote her identity. Standing on the other side of this miracle, I can see the purpose behind the mystery of our Heavenly Father. The mystery of not knowing how things will unfold. It allows us to be present, to stay out of our own way and keep our hearts aligned with His will.
On the five-hour drive home, I fought back tears as I realized the magnitude of who He is. I found myself pleading, “God, if this is who You are, take it all! The only thing I need is Your presence.” Even on my best day, I could never have done for sweet Ava what He did. And to think, all along, He was working to fill in my inadequacies as a parent. It was never a burden He intended for me to carry.
Amanda Apodaca
That’s beautiful, Amanda. There is nothing too big for our God, we just need to let go and let God.