The Dance of Age & Grace
I often hear people joke about the aches and pains of growing older. How you can hurt your back just trying to get out of bed too fast. I let those phrases roll off me like water off a duck's back. After-all, I am 35-year-old mom with three young boys. It's odd because being 35 can "feel old" when surrounded by nieces and nephews yet "young" when hanging out with neighbors in their 60's. But for me, at 35, the getting old jokes collided with reality.
The Fruit of Suffering: A Joyful Paradox
On my 35th birthday, pain greeted me like an unwelcome guest. My mind tried to rationalize it, but deep down, I knew this wasn’t normal. God, in His gentle yet swift way, led me to answers: Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren’s Syndrome. Diagnoses that made me feel old, sad, and annoyed. Yet, within those feelings lay a divine invitation.
I sat in my feelings in healthy and unhealthy ways, but ultimately, those God given feelings drove me to a more genuine and healthy relationship with the Lord. I’m not sure anyone wants pain and suffering, yet the Bible is so clear about the good fruit it produces. “Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1: 2-4
Resting in God’s Omnipotence
The Lord allowed me to get to the end of myself and I was met by His WAY. I slow down more. I appreciate my children, husband, friends, and family more. I prioritize my nutrition. It’s imperfect and hard, but hard isn’t bad – it’s a sign of growth & and he doesn’t call me to perfection. I love my Heavenly Father for that. He is the perfect One, and it’s my job to be responsible and obedient in my walk with Him.
God’s omnipotence is one I can rest in during suffering and confusion. I don’t know why I was chosen for these diagnoses, but I know that God is so good. My life has become more joyful, and I can only attribute that gift to the Holy Spirit and His work in my heart, mind, and soul.
Living the Unanswered Questions
As I ponder unanswered questions, Rainer Maria Rilke’s words echo, “I would like to beg you...as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday, far into the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
In His peace and boundless love, I walk—35, Lord you are my lamp; the Lord illuminates my darkness.
In His pax and agape, Laura Schneider
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